Real David H.

This week, the memory of finishing the Blue Ridge Marathon from two years ago has been popping up. While that race beat the hell out of me, the pictures serve as a reminder of how I need to embrace the highs of running when they happen.

All too often, something great happens and there’s an immediate feeling of looking ahead to what’s next. It’s one of those things I do in life about constantly striving to be better or to improve on something great that just happened.

Two years ago was the certainly one of the biggest accomplishments I’ve had with running. It wasn’t just about FINALLY doing the Blue Ridge Marathon — it was the peak of a long comeback after so many ups and downs with injuries. When it was over, in the immediate days and weeks that passed, I just wanted to conquer the course a year later — getting in better shape and knocking off at least an hour of my time was all I constantly thought about.

My path got a little derailed with another injury, but in winter of 2019-2020 and early spring 2020 things were going really well. It was the beginning of another peak at just the right now. The plans of returning to Shamrock as a tune-up race and then going for a much better experience at the Blue Ridge Marathon were going along quite nicely.

Then along came COVID. In the early days after Shamrock was canceled, I still thought that maybe Blue Ridge could happen. Once those plans were quickly scrapped, I shifted to “running just to run.” Over the years I have learned that it just not my strong suit, but it felt like it would be right given the circumstances. While I then focused on a running streak, everything just kind of fell off the rails with no plans in place for anything short- or long-term.

I failed mentally to stay in the game. I failed to set any goals for myself other than running just to run. Ultimately my body had other plans as I dealt with yet another injury. The running streak ended, as did any kind of motivation to even think about “what’s next.”

Then this summer when I moved, I had issues with both my feet. I opted to just not run at all for a while. Over the fall I had some resurgence as I joined a virtual running program. In December, I had my best month since I was at a high in March and April. The first couple of days of 2021 felt so promising, too.

The reality is, though, I just didn’t FEEL like committing to training for the Blue Ridge Marathon this spring. Would it happen or not? What would it look like if it did happen? Planning for the uncertainty, and going through a training cycle with those things weighing on me, wasn’t something I was ready for yet.

While I watched others get excited for an in-person event once again, my motivation saw no movement. At some point I switched to the half marathon, hoping that would spark something. A month or so ago, when plans really started coming into focus for the in-person race, I still couldn’t shift my attitude around.

I decided, finally, to cancel my 2020 Blue Ridge Marathon entry (if you’re keeping track, the 2020 race became 2021, then became then 2021 half, then became a big old DNS). In my email to race organizers, I said that it was time for me to just start from scratch for next year.

So that’s where I am … starting from scratch. Physically and mentally, it’s similar to a place I was in a few years ago when I basically threw out everything I knew and thought I knew about running and refocused on the basics.

This is also coming up on the anniversary I started a blog about running — April 20, 2007 is when my thoughts became “official” after dabbling in MySpace posts about running. That journey started as a training journal for the Richmond Marathon and eventually transformed me. And now I once again have the Richmond Marathon on my schedule and feeling like a rookie not quite knowing what to do next.

I’ve been jotting down notes about this post for several days now not really knowing what I wanted it to be about or if it was just some side therapy. As I get ready to click publish, I’m quickly realizing the relief this is bringing me hammering out my thoughts and telling a story of these last couple of years. If you’ve read this far, thanks for joining me on this journey.